Major health authorities and public data trackers officially classify chronic loneliness as a severe public health crisis or “epidemic”. Consequently, we have strategies for it: policies, community groups, social prescribing, walking groups, coffee mornings, men’s sheds, and choirs. We encourage people to get out more, meet people, join something, and talk to someone.

For many people, such groups provide a valuable opportunity and experience of connection. Yet, at the same time, recorded rates of loneliness are increasing. Perhaps these policies and strategies aren’t the complete answer. Perhaps for others, we are missing something fundamental.

We are giving people opportunities to connect without always asking what makes connection possible in the first place.

Because someone can also follow all the advice; they can walk into a room full of people, sit in a group, make themselves go to the coffee morning, the exercise class, the community event, and still feel leave feeling completely alone. And afterwards they may wonder, “Why can’t I connect with anyone? What’s wrong with me? I tried.”

Now there is something else alongside the loneliness: the feeling of having failed at connection.

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